Confessions
by RicardianScholar Clark-Weasley
Summary: Sequel to Broken and Recovery. Emma brings herself to confess her feelings to Mr Knightly after the news of Frank and Jane comes out.


The talk of marriage was in the air at Highbury.

The whole village was filled with excited whispers over the secret engagement between Frank Churchill and Jane Fairfax. There had not been a marriage made since the Eltons and there had not been a wedding in Highbury since Frank's own father's wedding with Miss Taylor. The only place in Highbury which was not filled with excitement over matrimony was Hartfield. Mr Woodhouse refused to hear a word on the subject unless it was coming from Miss Bates and that was only out of sheer courtesy.

"Those poor children," Mr Woodhouse would sigh, "cruelly taken away almost moments after coming home all these years. Such a tragedy."

Neither Emma nor Mr Knightly could bring themselves to point out that Jane and Frank had chosen this engagement long before they had come home. They knew it would be futile.

"It's her I feel sorry for the most," Mr Knightly said as they walked round the Hartfield gardens. "To be treated so cruelly by the man who professed to love her."

"I agree," Emma said quietly.

Mr Knightly looked at her with a tender concern. Emma inwardly sighed. She loved and loathed that look, loved it because it meant he cared for her utterly, loathed it because he only looked at her like that since last Christmas. It appears that no matter how hard she tries she cannot fully erase the damage Elton had inflicted on her.

"I do not mean that Frank Churchill is a villain, he does have his good qualities such as his sunny nature I merely meant his treatment to Miss Fairfax had been cold."

"I know," Emma said, "and I agree. I do not think Mr Churchill is like Mr Elton in any shape or form as I did before."

"I am sorry that I have encouraged your friendship with him. If I knew he was going to be a scoundrel I would have never used him as an example of a good man."

Emma laughed, it was supposed to be a cheerful laugh at the silliness of Mr Knightly but it sounded a little bitter even to her own ears. "I never thought of him as an example of a good man," she said reassuringly as she stared intently at Mr Knightly's face hoping he would understand he was always her example of a good man. "I had thought he was perhaps a gentleman with a warm engaging manner but I had never thought he was the epitome of a good man."

"You had enjoyed his company on Box Hill, I had thought he had won some of your affections," Mr Knightly said.

Emma smiled at the memory of the lovely day. Mr Knightly had wanted to show her a little piece of the world outside of Highbury and to keep things proper they had invited Miss Bates and Jane Fairfax, Miss Bates had spoken of it to Mr Weston and he and Frank wanted to join and then Emma thought it was only fair to invite her friend Harriet. However with the numbers at an oddity Mr Knightly had invited Mr Martin to join them. It was a pleasant summer's afternoon where they played games, ate food, explored beautiful views, and it ended with the wonderful news of Harriet and Mr Martin getting engaged.

Emma was glad that Harriet had found happiness with someone who was most certainly not Mr Elton. She knew if her judgement of Mr Elton was wrong then so was her judgement of Mr Martin and she had promised Harriet she would visit all the time after the wedding.

"I enjoyed the company of everyone that afternoon," Emma corrected Mr Knightly. "It was a very pleasant afternoon."

"You enjoyed even Miss Bates' company?" Mr Knightly teased.

Emma giggled. "Yes, yes I did," she confessed, "but I enjoyed your company even more," she took a deep breath and took hold the last of her courage. She must make this confession, if she did not then he would continue to think she was delicate and broken and unsuitable to be his. "I crave your company every day."

His eyes widens and he stares at her as if he was only seeing her for the first time. "Emma..." he whispered. Oh god, she would die if he had never even thought of her in a marital way and she was only making a fool of herself.

"I do not know," she said loudly before he could reject her completely, "if I have loved you before this or it is something I have discovered from your constant care but I do know that I am inexplicably in love with you and you have always been in my heart."

"My dearest Emma," he said tenderly, "for that is what you have always have been and always will be. My most beloved Emma, I cannot make speeches if I loved you less I might be able to talk about it more." She let out a weak laugh. Could this be true? She could hardly believe it. "But you must know that I will never hurt you and I will treat you in the manner you have always deserved."

"I know," she said shakily, "I know."

He gently took her hand into his and lifted it to his lips. She trembled at the sudden shock that shot through her every nerve from his lips touching the skin of her hand. She was suddenly so very overwhelmed and frightened; if a chaste kiss on the hand does this to her then how will she cope on the wedding night? Is she not fully recovered from her ordeal with Mr Elton? How could she ever be a good wife to Mr Knightly if she cannot fulfil all of her duties to him?

"Emma," Mr Knightly murmured, "do not be frightened. I will not force you into anything you cannot and do not want to do. I want you to be happy."

She placed a trembling hand on his cheek. "I am happy," she whispered, and she was, she had his love and that was all she ever wanted in the world. "I am just not..."

"Ready for intimate relations," Mr Knightly filled in.

She felt her cheeks heat up at the mere idea of intimate relations. She then felt the blood drain out of her face as memories of Mr Elton grabbing hold of her arm and forcing his lips upon hers. She was not ready but she could not wait.

"I just want to be with you," she said feeling tears fall down her cheeks.

"My dearest Emma," Mr Knightly murmured wiping her tears away with his thumbs, "I do not want you to force yourself to do anything you do not want to do."

She clutched to his waistcoat desperately as she tiptoed, her lips shakily brushed against his before she fell back down, and Mr Knightly's arms immediately wrapped round her waist to keep her steady. She barely flinched but the flinch was still there.

"I want to marry you," she whispered. "I want you all to myself and spend every day with you. I do not know if I can ever give myself to you completely but please _George_, I just want you to marry you."

He looked surprised but happy to hear her use his Christian name. He bent down and kissed her forehead warmly, "Yes," he murmured, "I will marry you."

Emma was almost happy as she held Mr Knightly close to her as possible. She had found real love and won the affections of the most important man other than her father. She had one last bridge to cross before she could recover completely from her ordeal. She had to learn to cope with intimacy so she could be a proper wife to the man she loved.

And then she could be the most happy.


End file.
